Discovery through mindfulness

All this past weekend, I’ve felt at dis-ease as I prepared my tax return. On my way in to work this morning, I realized that there was something more. I did some centering through my breath and then directed my awareness mindfully on what I was feeling. I’m not going to bore people with the details, but I learned that my dis-ease had deeper roots than simple displeasure at paying taxes for an absurd war like Iraq or owing some more money. My dis-ease was linked to decisions made nearly 35 years ago when I ran away from home (not precisely) to Peru and stayed away for 16 years and my conflicted sense of guilt about the break with family and country. I stopped doing U.S. tax returns for years (not that I owed any taxes with the kind of money I started out making in Peru) it took me a long time to get back on track. But every time I thought about returning to the States, the tax issue symbolized what the leap-back might mean for me. Once I faced down this phantom, thing went a lot more smoothly the rest of the day.